Lord Graham Gund of Castle Kenyon sits atop his sacred Hill, glass in one hand, 2020 plan in the other. Tonight, he’s hosting a gala inside the Kenyon Athletic Center, his ballroom and playpen. A week ago, a single crow tapped upon your window, a crisp envelope caught in its beak. The bird presented you with an invitation to Lord Gund’s weekend extravaganza. Are you brave enough to attend? Grab your polyhedral dice and start rolling to find out…
Claire Stimples ’21
This petite half-elf from Dayton, Ohio seems to fit in well at Kenyon. She journals in her spare time and owns at least one pair of overalls. She’s a studio art major with a women’s & gender studies concentration (because being a woman gives her a special perspective on modern art). Claire took to rogue training with ease. Her nimble reflexes, her ability to blend into a crowd, and her quiet-until-provoked nature allow her to slip in and out of the shadows like Moxie the cat. She harbors a dark secret, revealed only in the deepest annals of her feminist poetry. Rogues are the best at finding hidden things, so perhaps she will be the one to uncover Graham Gund’s true intentions.
Eli Manchez ’19
Eli (they/them/theirs) is a senior tiefling who’s a bit tired of being misgendered. They’ve been invited to every single alumni-related campus event since their first year. PR is important and it’s gratifying that they’ve been noticed for their activism. Still, it’d be nice if folks would occasionally send some other nonbinary POC to these parties so they could go back to that ten-pager for their 300-level psych class. Ah, well. As a druid, Eli’s used to going with the flow. Queerness is closely intertwined with the elements, which means they’re incredibly attuned to their arcane abilities. Changing into different animals reflects their ever-shifting relationship with their body. At an all-campus last Saturday, they went full-on hyena. It was wild!
Dirk Kresswell ’20
Dirk is a harmless, goofy golden-scaled dragonborn. Sure, he benefits from large amounts of cisgender male privilege, but he’s doing his very best to unpack it in a healthy, non-emotionally taxing manner. He’s one of those talking-golden-retriever kind of guys. You can’t hate Dirk! He just wants to be pals. He’s an AD, but in a chill way. He’s definitely in an a cappella group or two and he’s here to tell the donors about his friends! They would deeply benefit from more scholarship funding! As a paladin, he seeks to defend the less fortunate. As a member of the cursed class of 2020, there may be more in store for him at the Gala than he bargained for…
Part I: The Grand Gala
Dinner guests mill around on what was once a track and field. Bright golden orbs hover here and there, illuminating the space. You wonder if the marvel floor is a feat of transmutation, or a simple illusion. An elf in a deep purple tuxedo floats up to you, offering you a silver platter of hors d’oeuvres. Banners emblazoned with the Crest of Gund are scattered throughout the room. The man, the myth, the legend himself has yet to appear. What is your party doing?
- Elements of Note:
- The floor is enchanted through illusion magic. A DC15 arcana roll will reveal that information
- The servers have a strange, glazed look in their eyes, noticeable with a DC17 perception check
- Some of the gentry are observing the scene with an odd look in their eyes. A really good roll reveals the look as “hungry,” and an okay roll reveals the look as “excited”
Part II: The Trap!
Screams fill the air as the honorable Lord Gund and his allies descend upon the crowd, hissing and bearing their pointed fangs. That’s right, folks. The event was a ruse! The vampiric Cult of Gund has gathered everyone here to… drink their blood? Do they really need that much blood? Who cares? Run! RUN!!!
- Elements of Note:
- They’re not biting to kill… you see the vampires dragging folks towards a large trapdoor that has opened in the ground. You’ll get this info with a DC17 perception check because you’re literally running away screaming
- Gund isn’t doing much. He’s watching the chaos with a small smirk. DC15
- One of the servers in purple seems to be gesturing for you to follow. DC13
Part III: The Surprise
You’ve been running through the house, checking over your shoulder with every footstep. You’ve enlisted the help of Kraigston, a student hired to work the event who knows about every hidden corner of the KAC (he’s on the swim team). What do you find, sneaking around and trying to save everyone? Only the dice can tell…
- Elements of Note:
- If you’re in the right place at the right time, you might overhear the cultists searching for Gund, who seems to have disappeared
- None of the kidnapped victims are harmed. Instead, you find them in a large lecture hall with an enormous projector. The words “CRUSH LIBRARY, EAT LIBRARY” blink across the screen
- You find Graham Gund in a hidden workshop beneath the rubble of Olin, poring over a series of strange maps
- DC18 perception: they’re treasure maps! There’s buried treasure beneath Olin library
- A diadem that allows vampires to walk in the sun! That’s why he wants it destroyed so badly
Part IV: A Strange Collaboration
You are offered a deal: the determined Lord Gund and he will release the hostages if you help him retrieve the diadem from beneath the library. Will you accept? Purchase Curse of Kenyon, a D&D Adventure in the bookstore to make your final decision. It may change the course of the Hill’s future… forever…
This is clearly a Dungeons and Dragons parody that’s (very loosely) based on Curse of Strahd. Thank you, Wizards of the Coast (if you ever see this) for letting me deface your sacred texts.
10/10 would play.