Okay Kenyon, we dropped the ball. Executive Editor, Nate Winer ’19, Staff Writer, Lillian Fox Peckos ’20 and myself (Daily Editor, Jane Zisman ’20) all committed to write some content for this highly regarded publication last Sunday at an editor’s meeting that I skipped. Now that the day has come for our work of collaborative, literary genius to be published, we of course have nothing more to present than the three of us sitting in Peirce, lamenting our inability to do jack shit.
But we’re professionals, we’re creatives and we all have brown hair, so we came up with something for all the avid Saturday Thrill readers. Here’s some of the content we thought we would maybe write for today but didn’t because it’s just word salad and/or maybe just a poorly transcribed transcript of our conversation of us trying to figure out what to write.
Finals Meals Final Meal Final Nate’s cook book
Moonlight Breakfast but Mahershala Ali gives you one tater tot
“Book, books blargh blah… something with books?”
Comprehensive guide to where on this goddamn place to study
How to not leave your house and just eat eggs and drink a 40oz of apple juice
What did Jane’s mom send you for Finals week? Written by Lillian
Grandma’s love the Thrill and it’s reciprocal
It happened to me: Chris Raffa tried to micromanage me
Nate’s a scribe, but self conscious about his hand writing
“It’s raining on Finals… it’s not Finals… it’s raining”
It’s been dark all day
2/3 of this table have showered
Jane’s mad no one will publish look at this toe
“Herbs are a great way to transform any salad”
“Bitch was watchin’ fuckin’ Blue Planet II last night”
Nate draws a blank. “I got nothing”
Has anyone made the napkin recipe? You know what we mean.
“Big” the movie was too sexual and no one has names that you remember. “Why haven’t they remade that?” “You know why.”
“She definitely has sex with Mark Ruffalo”
Finals is kind of just Passover*
*Confirmed because Peirce has matza ball soup today
Is this hazing? Are we being hazed? Lillian says no.
“I wish everything was different and nothing hurt”
“Oh shit, purple”: Nate changes the pen he is using to write
What kind of pen do you use for a Blue Book test? “Gel.” “I like ballpoint.” “No.”
What would we do if Wiggin went away? That’s just not a thing.
Nate’s going to cut the ribbon at the deli opening ceremony
How many Ls are in your name?
What the fuck is that? A child.
The weekend before Finals is just a weekend for the arts
Finals is a proper noun
Promotional content for “Working Hands Hand Cream”: “It’s the best hand cream I’ve used in my entire life.” “It smells like nothing!” “It’s just on you!” “I use it like a construction worker princess.”
If you made it through this word salad, stream of consciousness, fragmentation of conversation, quotes and snippets of our 30 minute meeting, you are a champion. Goodnight and happy Finals.