Who else is excited to welcome Chilitos Fresh Mex and Margaritas to the bustling metropolis of Gambier? Here are a few specialty Kenyon themed cocktails we can expect to be served up!
The Philander Chaser
From the secret stash of that Puritan prude, this scotch was found in a hollowed out Bible in ol’ Phil’s collection. Take a quick sip and chase it by tearing out a page from the back of the Matriculation Book and swallowing it whole.
The Purple Hayes
This US president was a passionate member of the Temperance movement, detested alcohol, and was known for keeping the White House stone-cold sober. Now that kind of passion makes me think: “Cheers, I’ll drink to that.” Half mezcal, half pool-water from the KAC.
The Forbidden Drink
One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. That’s why when Peirce closes, the staff wheels the drink disposal bucket up to Chilitos, where it is stirred and heated up to room temperature. Comes served with a twisty straw. If you finish it within an hour, you get a free t-shirt that says “Fear me.”
The “How I Met Your Mather”
We found a few half-empty Smirnoff Ices in the trash cans outside Mather Hall. We’re gonna pour them into a mason jar full of Rogaine foam and G-Fuel powder and discuss how just how long Josh Radnor’s beard really should be before we take to the streets en masse.
The Finals Week
Having trouble finding the time to get sloshed while studying for finals? The fine folks at Chilitos have you covered. They’ve mixed Everclear, anti-freeze, and the whole rainbow of flavors of Four Loko, then absorbed it into tabs of blotting paper that can double as teeny flash cards! Get it right, you may ingest! Good luck!