One time, in half-hearted jest, my dad joked that I decided my academic interests by sorting a list of degrees ranked by earning potential from low to high. He’s not really wrong– I am a generally okay person but also generally impractical. I want to study gender and books and culture and don’t want to get a job or pay bills or be responsible.

I know in my heart of hearts what I would be studying if the weight of the world was not on me– but in coming to college, I wanted to prove to everybody that I was a capable adult who made good decisions for herself. So, my senior in high school self set my sights on being an English and Economics double major when I got to this hallowed hill. It’s like– what if I am not only one type of unrelatable snob, but another type of unrelatable snob but also problematic at best?

I got to Kenyon and boldly signed up for Microeconomics my first semester and realized that I was actively bad at graphs, just like my college counselor told me when she said I was not going to do well on the ACT because it is the SAT with graphs.

It didn’t go well. I was bad at it and the boys in the class really got it. I was crushed. Wow was I ever going to be both woke and an employee of Goldman Sachs! After a short tailspin, I got myself together and found my way over to American Studies so I can be an unrelatable snob with a vast knowledge of the homeland.

In my quest to American Studies, I considered some other majors. Here are a few suggestions to other Economics majors who have become disenchanted:

1. French – the French hate capitalism (this is an oversimplification but whatever)
2. George Saunders references – be the most insufferable at a dinner party
3. Responding “in this economy?” when asked to do anything
4. Wall Studies – not to be confused with Border Studies
5. Old Side-New Side Relations
6. Vampire weekend lyrics you liked in high school that make more sense now that you live learn and love in this ivory tower of an institution
7. Advanced Funk Studies – Grove is in the heart
8. Hot Takes Studies – Sociology was Founded on False Presumptions
9. Corn – we have a class for you