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Last night, seniors and professors alike trudged through the wind and cold to make merry. A marker of 100 days left until graduation, Fandango was in full swing for two whole hours. Students got sloppy. Professors got dancing. I ate two plates full of mac n’ cheese wedges because this is what peak femininity LOOKS LIKE. Are you a curious underclassman looking for an inside scoop? Were you a senior that was there but, alas, can’t seem to remember the night? Well, folks, you’re in luck, the seniors of the Kenyon Thrill staff are here to fill you in on the good, the bad, and the sticky!

Cat March ’19

“There was a GOBLIN (small child). She was better at dancing than me. I talked to three (3) whole professors and three (3) admins. The maccy cheese wedges were sublime!!! Highlight of my night: ABBA. Low light of my night: Fandango felt too short! Quote of the evening: “we’re all dirty now.” -Nate Winer. Also, “Get out! Get out of my house!!!” -Mia Fox, dragging a vacuum back and forth across the floor as “Closing Time” plays in the distance.” 

Chris Raffa ’19

“As far as I could tell, only one professor I felt I could talk to (read: one professor from the English department) showed up, and I never saw them. With that out the window, my shoulders lowered for the first time in months, and I took to the wine bar. It was rough going for the first half, but once the Drunk Energy®️ overtook the Awkward Energy®️ things picked up. My night was really transformed when my rival (who later that night admitted he loved me) told me that with 99 days to graduation, more people would embrace a Fuck-It-We’re-Almost-Out attitude, campus social order would topple, and chaos would ensue. I would’ve said it was very Carnivalesque, if any English professors were there. I cannot wait for the chaos.”

Elise Tran ’19

“A fever dream, a blur of a night, I could taste the music and it only took me one drink to get me there. Sticky shoesies, yummy strawberry ginger punch, a man with hands for ears taught me how to dance. I think he was my soulmate. I went to sleep before midnight with dreams of mac n cheese wedges and Mamma Mia echoing in my ears.”

Nate Winer ’19

“I had the tiniest of panic attacks when confronted with the fact that I would have to actually insert myself a conversation if I wanted to talk to a professor. A fellow student said to my face that he “didn’t have any feelings about me at all” and that he would “throw me in a ring of fire if he had to, no problem” which was fine I guess, I don’t give a shit about him either, but that was a CRAZY thing to say to another human being, right? One professor told me he had a secret but that he wouldn’t tell us what it was, but I’m gonna find out one day. One day soon. Also I was drunk at 8:30 which was wild.”

Tyler Raso ’19

“My favorite mixed drink? Sweat, rosé, and velveeta cheese. I have to be honest, I don’t own a blazer or even that nice of a dress shirt or even a belt for Graham’s sake–so I did what I could with what I had. I have pants that are so gold they hurt. The first thing every single literal person said to me through the evening was “I love your pants” or “your pants?” or “LOOK at your pants” as if I didn’t purchase them with my own two sweaty hands from Goodwill for four sacred dollars.  Fandango? Fun. A professor (whom I don’t know) pulled me on stage to dance and this is what they say when small class sizes really deepen one’s learning. Fandango was really just a cursed prom for people with nothing to lose but their mother’s blessing.”

Mia Fox ’19

“Two ciders in and I lost all inhibition. It was pretty embarassing when I had the confidence to ask a professir to “pose like his meme” with me and seven other students. Then I vaccumed to get people out of my home.”