Oops, I Did It Again: Domino’s as an Uber


Remember the wonderful event that everyone yelled at me for doing last semester? Well, this time it was for a Good Cause, not just because I was cold. I’m not that much of a continuous dumbass.

It was February 20th, around 1 am. My friend Nyandeng Juag (‘22) and I had just finished receiving haircuts from the one and only Teddy Hannah-Drullard (‘20) (and yes we do look amazing), and were preparing for the probably 15-20 minute walk from Bushnell down to the first year quad. Halfway down Middle Slush we realized that Nyandeng didn’t have her bag, and that’s a Big Yike. So, we walked back to Bushnell and in the distance I saw the familiar red, white, and blue logo on top of that maroon car, and my brain just screamed like the savage that it is and almost ran to the car. We didn’t end up running, but I did pick up my pace to make sure that the logo wouldn’t fade into the darkness that is anything surrounding Kenyon. As Nyandeng grabbed her bag from Teddy, I rolled a Charisma check and went over to the driver.

Turns out, this time, there were two strikes against us: he was white, and he was middle aged based on appearance. Now, a middle aged white man who looks bored out of his mind wasn’t the best option, and I considered not doing it, but I tapped on the window anyway. It took me a second to get my thoughts together, but I eventually conjured up using two truths and a lie to get the man to open his maroon car doors to us. This car was much more Domino’s-driver-like, with a huge pile of receipts in the back and even some on the dashboard. But, again, I didn’t end up caring that much–there were no stops with this guy, just straight up to the Lewis parking lot. We also didn’t talk, which made me raise my rating a little bit more, but he could’ve just been mildly terrified by two black kids asking for a ride, one of whom is almost 6 feet tall crammed into his backseat. He did offer us pizza that someone didn’t pick up–which explained why he was sitting in the parking lot of Bushnell long enough for me to approach in the first place–but we kindly declined.

Overall, in comparison to the original event, it was a little underwhelming. I didn’t get any backstory on this guy, you know? Was he also lonely? Did he want us to get the fuck out of his car but felt too polite to turn us down? Was the pizza poisoned? I don’t know, but also I don’t really want to.

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