The Sun is Back and Now I have No Excuse

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When I first pitched this idea it was supposed to be a joke, I thought to myself [read aloud in Cookie Monster fashion]: “haha dis a funny bit and I rely on external validation to live. Me want laughs. Me get laughs.” Hubris. Pure hubris. I thought all this crap would end with the first day of spring. I thought the sun would come back and I’d shed my seasonal depression like a drunk girl shimmying out of skinny jeans at the end of the night. I thought I could blame all my vices, all my misfortunes, on the dismal, Dante-esque circle of hell that is Ohio winter we all just slogged through, but instead I still wake up in the mornings, sun pouring through my window like what should be hot coffee, feeling like a Moxie turd crushed underfoot in the library pit.

I don’t think it’s just me. I’ve talked to so many people and everyone else has confirmed: it is spring time and we still aren’t happy. We’ve got midterms and then finals. We don’t know where we’re going to be come graduation time. We’re sleeping too much or not sleeping at all. Loved ones keep dying, or leaving, or growing further away and we don’t know how to fix it.

Are you still waiting for the punchline? Because I’m still waiting for the punch line. I need somebody to literally punch me in the face and tell me it’s all going to get better. This may or may not be a cry for help (Hello, editor? Are you reading this?). I think it’ll find its way to something positive eventually.

How about this: I think we get better at getting better. That’s it. I don’t think life gets easier–in fact, it might just keep getting harder from here on out. But I think we get better at rolling with the punches and fighting the good fight. I think we grow tougher skin. And if not tougher skin, we learn how to brew better medicine for ourselves, learn to dig our way out.

I’m sorry there’s no punchline. No plant fucking or cool ear piercings this time. But these next few weeks as the sun peeks out and it brings no joy I think we all need to remember that we’re a lot more resilient than we think we are. We all have the capacity to survive.

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