How can you become a diamond on Old Bob’s necklace of kindness? I honestly have no idea. He’s never even given me a second look when I walk up to the dessert section (which is frequently).

Maybe one day I will gain that status but alas, it is still beyond my reach as of now. In a search for the secret ingredients to get on that damn necklace of kindness I talked to some Old Bob Diamonds© to see what they did right. Here’s what they said:

“Nail the elbow high five/hug thing”

“Always have a smile on your face like getting that dessert is the best thing to happen to you that day. And honestly, it probably is.”

“Write him a poem”

“Talk to him and be nice to him and smile”

“Take more than one dessert. Like take two or three. But not more than two or three because that would be like, suspicious and you could creep him out.”

“Dye your hair, put on some highlighter and mascara, wear ten inch heals, and knock his socks off.”