courtesy of Kenyon’s website

Here’s the thing everyone: sometimes I’m a real dumbass. Like, in terms of Book Smarts and being a Learned Young Man, no, I’m not dumb in that regard. In fact I like to think I’m pretty smart, if it’s all the same. But just in life? Real dullard, every now and then. And the danger about being a fool out there in the world is… well, danger, which I seem to find myself in more times than my parents would be comfortable with, probably. So, that being said, here’s some of the times I nearly died on this campus because I was being stupid:

1. The time I almost fell off the railing of the Squad balcony: Always wear shoes with good traction if you plan to clamber up high, friends.
2. The time I got very sick and forgot how to take care of myself: FLUIDS! You simply gotta have them, especially when you’re sick. But sophomore year Nate forgot this vital piece of info, which led to a week-long illness which featured nearly fainting several times, as well as hallucinations both auditory and visual! Fun stuff!
3. The time I was almost murdered in the woods by a mystery man in a truck: I mean, this one’s kind of self-explanatory to be honest. Avoid mystery men in the woods in the middle of the night.
4. The time I almost fell off the roof of the New Apt. laundry hut: In all fairness this one probably wouldn’t have killed me, but dang, it would’ve been unpleasant. I should be more careful on roofs in general, I think.
5. The time I angered a ghost by trying to steal a playing card from a haunted house: This one is genuinely an experience I had that made me believe in ghosts for real, ask me about it sometime, I have a story to tell.
6. The year I lived in Watson: It is what it is.