Welcome to WWE (stands for Kenyon Klothes Swap) featuring Tyler “Ron “Big Body” Matthews” Raso and Ellie “Caitlin “Rock Lobster” Martin” Melick. Fortunately we are lovers, not fighters, so instead of competing we gave each other makeovers.
Rock Lobster:
Tyler and I have pretty compatible styles, though he leans more towards grandma-chic and I towards spaceslut on the grandma-chic/spaceslut sliding scale. I picked out some items I knew he would like but definitely wouldn’t wear himself, like a turquoise all-over sequin boob tube. Though perhaps he has always wanted his own turquoise all-over sequin boob tube. Perhaps he has woken up every morning and asked himself “to tube or not to tube, that is the boob.” And every morning he has not tubed. Until this morning, when he did.
This has been Fast & Furious Tu(be): Two Tubes and a Lie.
<3, E”C”RL”M”M
Big Body:
I may have a big body. But I have an even bigger heart. My mother always told me that this big body could make a small tube very happy someday. Ellie is not such a tube, but she has curated through the years a collection of beautiful tubes. These are my tube diaries. As a peace offering, I brought Ellie not enough pants. It is just like Billy Ray Cyrus once said, “I got the horses in the back.” Those are words this big body lives by. I hope every child with a big body can find their own special tube to cherish forever. These are their stories.
Tastily, T”R”BB”M”R
Our fighters:
aka Tyler (thanks namegeneratorfun.com)
VS
aka Ellie
Tyler before:
a young man who performs karate
Ellie before:
she’s beauty and she’s grace, she’s tired
OUTFIT 1: FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL
ellie strikes a tyler-pose. does she succeed? probably. tyler is the tallest he has ever been.
ellie, a professor of magic. tyler resorted to belly dancing on a cruise ship after receiving a rejection letter from Hogwarts.
OUTFIT 2: IT’S LIKE, 90S, BUT MAYBE ADD A LITTLE SPACE
tyler, a swamp man, has good skin for the first time in his life. we would like for you to look at our legs please.
breaking the wishbone. haha. happy thanksgiving. love, Telly Relick
OUTFIT 3: ARIANA GRANDE AT HER GRANDDAUGHTERS BAT MITZVAH
we share a boot because we are such good sports. notice that ellie is now ariana grande.
OUTFIT 4: HANNAH MONTANA ATTENDS A WORK CONFERENCE IN BOISE, IDAHO IN SPACE
ellie has triplet sons, manages a kroger (cause we’re in Ohio). tyler has three granddaughters who have all entered convents.
OUTFIT 5: THE LION KING JR.
there are many kink jokes we could make. but this is a christian publication.
The Kenyon Thrill 