Welcome to WWE (stands for Kenyon Klothes Swap) featuring Tyler “Ron “Big Body” Matthews” Raso and Ellie “Caitlin “Rock Lobster” Martin” Melick. Fortunately we are lovers, not fighters, so instead of competing we gave each other makeovers.
Tyler and I have pretty compatible styles, though he leans more towards grandma-chic and I towards spaceslut on the grandma-chic/spaceslut sliding scale. I picked out some items I knew he would like but definitely wouldn’t wear himself, like a turquoise all-over sequin boob tube. Though perhaps he has always wanted his own turquoise all-over sequin boob tube. Perhaps he has woken up every morning and asked himself “to tube or not to tube, that is the boob.” And every morning he has not tubed. Until this morning, when he did.
This has been Fast & Furious Tu(be): Two Tubes and a Lie.
I may have a big body. But I have an even bigger heart. My mother always told me that this big body could make a small tube very happy someday. Ellie is not such a tube, but she has curated through the years a collection of beautiful tubes. These are my tube diaries. As a peace offering, I brought Ellie not enough pants. It is just like Billy Ray Cyrus once said, “I got the horses in the back.” Those are words this big body lives by. I hope every child with a big body can find their own special tube to cherish forever. These are their stories.
OUTFIT 1: FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL
OUTFIT 2: IT’S LIKE, 90S, BUT MAYBE ADD A LITTLE SPACE
OUTFIT 3: ARIANA GRANDE AT HER GRANDDAUGHTERS BAT MITZVAH
OUTFIT 4: HANNAH MONTANA ATTENDS A WORK CONFERENCE IN BOISE, IDAHO IN SPACE
OUTFIT 5: THE LION KING JR.