Perhaps the most belabored phrase I’ve heard as a Kenyon student is “Writing is rewriting.” Normally this irks me, because it’s true. Because it’s true, that means more work. Womp womp. There is, however, one exception to this phrase — titles. Titles tell your reader everything and nothing at the same time. Slap that bow of a title on top of that gift of a thesis and put it under the tree. A bad title can be sad, but a rose by any other name would smell jjjuuuust as sweet. Despite this, some titles must go. I dug through the annals of Kenyon College Senior Thesis past and found these title rejects. We can only imagine what they prefaced.

1. I Was Part of The 2019 College Cheating Scandal: And You Fell For It
2. The Procrustean Bed in My Dorm Room: or, Why I Continue to Sleep All Contorted Even After Leaving the Confines of a Twin Extra-Long
3. Why The South Won
4. Crime and PUNishment: This Novel is Funny, Right?
5. Quoth the Raven, ‘It’s the Future I Can See’: Foreshadowing Devices in Poe’s “The Raven” and Disney Channel’s ‘That’s So Raven’
6. Chickens Prefer Beautiful Humans