Domino’s Knows I Need A Ride: The Final Time


I did not ride in this fancy car, it was probably a Prius or something, I don’t know for sure.

And we’re back, folks. This is the last time (I promise) that I will tell this story, the story of my travels as a weary first year from South Campus to the lovely Lewis or Norton parking lot.

This time, it was 11:48 pm on Friday, April 12th. I was requested to bring medication to my lovely friend/barber/icon of my life Teddy, who lives in Bushnell Hall. If you’re caught up on this three part series, then you probably know where this is going. The walk from the freshman quad to Bushnell is a solid 12 minutes (especially when it’s dark and also cold and also watching for The Straight Men) and I got there, delivered my package of DayQuil and NyQuil, and left. Dreading the walk back, I looked out of the glass door and saw the lovely blaring blue and red lights of the Domino’s car staring me in the face.

Art says that we, as humans, see ourselves in everything, but that night, I saw the face of God themself in that car’s headlights. I asked the driver for a ride, as always, and this is the first time I saw hesitation in the man’s eyes.

(Sidenote: why has it always been a man? That’s suspicious.)

“We’re not supposed to do that…but sure.”

I found out that, over the course of the ride, the driver was very familiar with Kenyon politics and changes on campus and he had Strong Opinions on the wall surrounding the pit. He was mostly confused, but generally disgruntled at the lack of a library. He also thought I was a senior, which is still hilarious.

After the two minute ride, it was all over and I left the warm pizza car and into the faintly sweat-smelling hall of Lewis. I realized, with some solemn regret, that this is the last time that I will be able to do this. I watch the Domino’s driver leave the parking lot and wonder if he knows, too. That this has reached its peak, that the trilogy must find its natural end. In my first year at Kenyon, I managed to take three rides with strangers and Not Die, while also maintaining a sense of pride. I have used the system to my advantage and, while I do not condone that anyone else try this because so many people keep telling me that I could have died, I don’t regret any of it.

Shoutout to the Bushnell parking lot, for making my never-walking-anywhere-if-possible dreams come true.

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