10 o’clock list: Ways To Continue Crane Worship Off-campus

It’s that time of the year again. Most of us are leaving campus. Leaving campus means many things, saying farewell to professors, friends, but most importantly it means leaving the sight of the two great deities of campus. Whatever we are doing once we leave there will be many distractions and things which we are tempted to use to fill the whole of the cranes in our hearts. But take heart friends, there are ways to mitigate the heartache and to show the cranes that wherever you are you are thinking of them

  1. Offerings-At night make sure to leave offerings of large masses of metal and concrete for the cranes to move around
  2. Build anew– The cranes are all about building. Somewhere in your life find something that’s perfectly fine and tear it down and replace it with expensive change just to be able to do something new
  3. Pour one out– Only the good shit though
  4. Same time– It is easy to not think about it as the cranes are everywhere really, but the homeland of the cranes has a specific timezone and if you are a true believer you should set all your watches to the time of day the cranes are witness to
  5. Money– Look you think the cranes are gonna save you for free
  6. Find a crane buddy to perform the crane dance with– Remember the cranes are not alone and when you worship you should not be either. Find a friend and pass your arms close to each other for long periods of time interspersed with long periods of doing nothing
  7. Keep no other structures-seeing The Empire State Building over the summer? Well you better act totally unimpressed by it or the cranes will get jealous
  8. Don’t Hesitate– Are you a senior about to leave or a Sophomore about to go abroad and afraid you will miss what could have been the best years of your life with your saviors? Well you have, but if you come running back to them know they won’t respect you at all ( unless you have a lot of money that you will give to them)

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