Nate’s Final Cookbook

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Hello everyone, once again, and for the very last time, it’s your friend Nate here, and oh boy do I have a recipe for you today. Something good, something kind, something for everyone to remember me by because–that’s right–this is the final installment of everyone’s favorite segment, Nate’s Cookbook. This is my farewell to the culinary world, and in many ways to all of you (but also check back tomorrow for a proper farewell from Elise and I).

 

So, without further ado, let’s get cooking.

This is a special meal for me, one near and dear to my heart. Just like how all of you are near and dear to me. It’s a crowd pleaser, definitely, and so simple that even I, Nate the Cooking Buffoon, can figure out. So join me, friends, as we make a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich.

 

How to Make a PB&J:

  1. Find out if you’re allergic to peanuts: God forbid, but peanut allergies are pretty common. I don’t have a solution for this problem, so we’re just going to have to hope if you’re coming on this ride with me then peanuts and you get along just fine.
  2. Find out if jelly allergies exist, and if they do, find out if you have one: Genuinely not sure if you even can be allergic to jelly, but in this day and age who knows, right? Figure this one out and get back to me.
  3. Slice bread: It’s great!
  4. Tell the people you appreciate how much you value them: Listen. I know this is a silly joke website, for laughs and goofs, but sometimes it really does feel good to have it as a part of my life. There really is something intrinsically enjoyable about knowing you can make people laugh, or even just smile, and that’s never a one-way street. So everyone at the Thrill really does appreciate anyone who reads, or who likes our posts, or is involved at all. It really is all for the Kenyon community, and we’re all so happy to make even the slightest difference in your days. So thank you for being there.
  5. DUNK BREAD IN PEANUT BUTTER: tHIS IS MORE EFFICIENT THAN SPREADING IT, OKAY? I PROMISE YOU IT GOES SO MUCH QUICKER
  6. Clean up your peanut mess: Downside of the Dunk Method is that the PB gets absolutely everywhere. Before you continue, take a minute to tidy up the area. Cleanliness is next to jelly-ness.
  7. Own up to your jam-jelly swap: Okay, let’s all be adults here. Jelly is not good. It tastes fine but it wiggles in such a strange way, it doesn’t spread well, it’s all around inferior. Now JAM, on the other hand, is the perfect partner for peanut butter, while still being pretty good on it’s own. In the spirit of full disclosure, let everyone know you’ll be using jam. Open your windows and doors (do NOT let bugs in, though) and shout to the world, saying, “Today is the day for JAM on MY sandwich!” or “I will only use the three-letter berry spread on THIS lunch time treat, thank you very much!” It’ll get the point across.
  8. Drop an entire jar of jam onto the bread: Enough is never enough, as far as that sticky sweet jam is concerned. Go ahead, just unload a whole load of jam on that bad boy. Let’s be naughty, it’s the last go around.
  9. Slap the bread together: You need to get a good, wet slapping sound, or else the ingredients will not stick together properly, and there’s nothing that can ruin a PB&J faster than it being unsticky.
  10. Congratulations! You’ve made a PB&J Sandwich, and you have read your final Nate’s Cookbook! Be brave, be strong, and I love you!
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