Official VI Sauce Sampling Guide *pros only*

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all the advertised sauces

Last year, before our departure back into the real world for a threatening 3 months, I recruited a bunch of friends to come to the VI.  My specific goal for this endeavor was to order every single dipping sauce and rate them to determine what the Ultimate Sauce is (based on flavor profile and success as an aphrodisiac).

We didn’t really know which one was which when they gave us the sauces, so we had to guess. We happened to be eating outside this day and it started raining so if we didn’t like your favorite sauce you can blame it on the rain watering it all down. 

The most important discovery — which none of us were even remotely ready for — was that there is a secret off-menu sauce (?!!!) and I’ve been sitting on this classified info for about 3 or 4 months now so you can imagine my excitement.  

**Points given for originality of sauce and flavor profile combined with the already invigorating taste of VI tots**

Basil Pesto Aioli ★★★

  • “Better on sandwiches.”
  • “An outstanding sauce, but a little too heavy for tots.”
  • “Texture and density is a bit overwhelming with the oiliness of the tots themselves.”

BBQ ★★

  • “Good. Generic.”

Bleu Cheese ★★

  • “Ok but it’s not meant for tots it’s for wings.”

Chipotle Ranch ★★★

  • “Crisp”
  • “Likeable.”
  • “Is this what they put on that quesadilla?”
  • “A little too tart for a tot”
  • “I want it to be known that I hate chipotle ranch. And please make my name anonymous. I don’t want campo to find me.” 

Coconut Curry ★

  • “Weak”

Garlic Aioli ★★

  • “Hits you like an alarming mayonnaise.”
  • “Would sandwich in an instant.”
  • (see basil pesto)
  • “Garlic and mayo is just bad.”
  • “Probably the best sauce for a growing boy.”

Curry Tomato ★★

  • “Underrated star.”
  • “Adam didn’t think he would like it but he does.”
  • “A bit chunky.”

Honey Chipotle ★★★★★

  • “Smoky and sophisticated.”
  • “The spice slowly develops its power.”
  • “Lillie!”
  • “Probably the best tot sauce but not best sauce all together.”

Honey Mustard ★★

  • Voted as Worst for tots
  • “Just tastes like a leaf.”
  • “Kind of a lot.”
  • “Great smokiness, great tannin, just gets a little too sweet.”

Jamaican Jerk ★★★

  • “Underwhelming.”

Just-Right Buffalo & Level-10 Buffalo ★★★

  • “Everyone loves buffalo.”
  • “This’s gotta hold a solid upper middle status on the list but I don’t think it quite deserves top 5 cause of how common it is.”

Ranch ★

  • “Tastes different when I don’t know what it is.”
  • “A classic.”
  • “Really kind of dense and boring.”
  • “Plain ranch has no place at this table.”

Thai Chili ★★★★★

  • “Strong, delicious, sophisticated and mature.”
  • “Shocking at first, but eventually dissolves effervescently onto the palette.”
  • “Genuinely delicious.”

Thai Peanut ★★★★★

  • I don’t know what this means but I wrote it down so “I’ll crush spring rush born peanut.”
  • “Coats the pallet very evenly.”
  • “Not mayo-based, but retains a lot of the dense mayo-like texture.”
  • “Easily my favorite sauce.”

~** OFF MENU SAUCE **~

Hot Garlic ★★

  • “Weird.”
  • “Suspicious because not real.”

Ultimately we came to the conclusion that if you were taking an awkward KenyonTinder™ date out to the VI, we’d conclusively order Thai chili. It’s the sexiest. The mayos are too gunky. 

If, however, you’re bringing a significant other out to the VI with their parents, go with honey chipotle because you want to show you can take the heat. Each sauce will conclusively make her say, “I love you.”

 

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