It’s not news that every building on this campus has its quirks. We all have our opinions about which first year dorm is the best, whether it’s better to live North or South, and what we are willing to sacrifice when it comes to our living space needs. In a fugue state last night, I was hit with an image.

What would happen if an impassioned alumn built a Kenyon Dream House, combining as many iconically Kenyon architectural features as possible? What would happen if you could control every pro and con of your living space on campus? Would you still want some less than fortunate circumstances attached to that living space, so as to maintain the Kenyon-jank vibe we have all learned to love so much? Through Stockholm Syndrome or otherwise? What does it really mean to be a Dream House? I have no idea. But this is what I’d put in mine:

1. The structural integrity of an NCA.
2. The windows of Leonard and Old Kenyon, especially a bay window and bullseye.
3. The view from Caples, without any of the height or evil doom.
4. The seal right in the front doorway to really catch my visitors off guard.
5. A single angel pole in the front yard.
6. A New Side chandelier hanging off the gutter.
7. The ominous red doors of the New Apts, for character.
8. Some spires and turrets, for that classic Kenyon look.
9. A recreation of the Gates of Hell for the front walkway, to ward off raccoons and such.
10. Furniture for a real home, certainly not the sterile couches of the NCAs.
11. A miniature version of Old Side in the dining room.
12. The Paul Newman mural from McBride in the basement.