Kenyon Shoe Survival Guide

Shoes. They’re everywhere these days. If you’re newly arrived, you may have noticed the same ones popping up over and over again. Everyone at this school looks the same.

I’ll be your guide.

BIRKENSTOCKS

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WHAT THEY ARE: Jesus sandals

WHERE YOU’LL SEE THEM: Your 8:10; Old Side (?)

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW: The security guards at my high school hated Birkenstocks because the buckles always set off the metal detectors

BLUNDSTONES

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WHAT THEY ARE: Chelsea boots that listen to Snail Mail.

WHERE YOU’LL SEE THEM: Milk parties; Theta division

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW: They may look waterproof, but they’re not

BOAT SHOES:

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WHAT THEY ARE: Shoes from high schools with a name ending in “Academy”

WHERE YOU’LL SEE THEM: The Catalina Wine Mixer

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW: No one wears socks with them. Which is disgusting.

CHACOS

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WHAT THEY ARE: Amphibious sandals with excellent arch support

WHERE YOU’LL SEE THEM: Your Outdoors Pre-Orientation Leader’s Acland

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW: They really do have excellent arch support

CHUKKA BOOTS:
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WHAT THEY ARE: Late-bloomers

WHERE YOU’LL SEE THEM: Lentz House; “piggybacking off” your comment in seminar

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW: These shoes are emotionally unavailable

CLOGS

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WHAT THEY ARE: Wooden-soled shoes favored by Dutch peasants in the 16th century, later popularized by Abba

WHERE YOU’LL SEE THEM: Various rehearsals; Eating a salad during extendo

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW: You don’t have to wear clogs to journal, but you have to journal to wear clogs.

CREEPERS

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WHAT THEY ARE: Goth vans

WHERE YOU’LL SEE THEM: Horvitz; New Apt kickbacks

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW: I thought about getting Creepers but I don’t smoke cigarettes

SLIDES:

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WHAT THEY ARE: Hard slippers

WHERE YOU’LL SEE THEM: Leaving the KAC

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW: They were just at the KAC

WHITE SNEAKERS LIKE THESE

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WHAT THEY ARE: White sneakers. Like these

WHERE YOU’LL SEE THEM:  Everywhere

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW: White sneakers like these are everywhere

THESE VANS SPECIFICALLY

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WHAT THEY ARE: Haunting

WHERE YOU’LL SEE THEM: The Ganter; Horn concerts 

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW: They want a hit off your Juul. Oh, they’e also emotionally unavailable. 

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