Monday 2: Electric Boogaloo.

Hibachi is every birthday boy’s dream.

Our hibachi chef did all the classics. The onion volcano. The egg spin. The shrimp in the hat.

The chef kept flinging hot cubes of zucchini at me. No matter how desperate my sobs, he insisted he keep throwing zucchini at me until I caught a piece in my mouth. 30 minutes later, he ran out of zucchini. Then, I watched him squirt straight oil into an elderly man’s mouth for far too long to be comfortable. He handed me an egg on a spatula to bounce. I got two good whacks in before I flung the egg at the ceiling and it cracked on our chef’s shoe. My favorite move was when he held the soy sauce bottle by his groin and pretended to pee on my rice.

When the meal was over, the waiter brought over the birthday mask: a sweaty paper-mâché mask that reeked of disease. Once I donned it, I felt a spiritual connection with decades of birthday boys, plus I got lupus.

My hibachi experience was wonderful, and I can’t wait to go back.

And now, the news.

WHAT: WKCO Shows.
WHEN&WHERE: The internet. (https://www.wkco919.org/)

• Tune in to tune out! WKCO shows are up and running.
• Check out that new, sexy responsive show schedule!

WHAT: Kenyon Library Seating Options
WHEN&WHERE: Peirce Ballroom

• Sit and spin! In a different way!
• I say, screw chairs, get us bean bags. This is not a joke.

Jam of the Week: