The Thrill Editors flex our rhyming muscles to bring you these, inspired by our endless love and respect for Kenyon College!

 

There once was a first year in Quest,

Who declared that Nietzsche was best.

But his will to power

Lasted less than an hour

While I thought, “Dear God, I’m depressed.”

 

There once was a parlor called Whits

Whose treats I’ve been told are the tits

But the walk is too far

I can not drive a car

And milk products give me the shits

 

There once was a library called Olin

Then out of our grasp it was stolen

By our millionaire donor

With his glass-induced boner

To Graham Gund we’re forever beholden.

 

There was a black kitten named Moxie

With fans from Japan to Biloxi

But the memes felt old

With merch being sold

So the Thrill Staff fed him to a foxy 

 

They told us Chilitos would open

Which of course was a horrible omen. 

It’ll be 20 years

Before word reaches ears

That it was a falsified notion.