Fall break has come and passed, and we at Kenyon College now return to our regularly scheduled classes. While many students spent the time off visiting home, catching up on sleep, or just vegging out in general, I was hard at work. Late at night, if you were listening intently, you could hear my intermittent cries of “Eureka!” In my laboratory I was devising the perfect way to counter seasonal affective disorder. In a hearty “Huzzah!” of triumph, I finally figured it out. In order to battle the elements which so surreptitiously try to harsh my mellow, I must understand them better. To best nature, I must become one with it.
Naturally, this led to me watching several hours of the hit BBC television series Planet Earth, and its sequel, Planet Earth II. David Attenborough, my spirit guide, led me to share my revelations with my peers. Watch Planet Earth and Planet Earth II, they’re both great. One random Kenyon student praised Planet Earth‘s unrivaled ability to equalize people: “I don’t have to perform toxic masculinity when the other man in the room is high off his ass.”
(Disclaimer: We at The Thrill do not endorse binge drinking or unhealthy consumption. It’s illegal to drink underage.)
- David Attenborough (or Sigourney Weaver if you’re watching the Discovery Channel edition) talks about “life:” take a sip and ponder our place in the ecosystem.
- Protagonist animal(s) is introduced: take a sip, become far too emotionally invested in the animal, and hope nothing bad happens to them.
- Big *animal noise*: sip any time there’s a distinct animal noise. Doesn’t count for large swarms of insects or birds.
- Chug for the duration of every time-lapse shot. Bonus points if it’s a shot of the sky going from day to night and back again.
- Antagonist animal is introduced: if the music cue is in a minor key, you know you gotta take a sip.
- Animal’s junk is prominently in frame: toast the person next to you and respectfully finish your drink.
- Music shift accompanying different animal: drink
- Animals fight over the right to have sex: place bets on who’s going to come out on top (ha) and the losers finish their drinks.
- David/Sigourney drops a Fun Fact™: say “Thank you David/Sigourney, you are wise and just” and ruminate on the implications as you take a sip.
- Go outside and appreciate the splendor of the natural world every time you weep with joy.