The hour was late and the night was cold. I thrust my digging utensil of choice, the spoon I took from Peirce (but will give back), into the moist earth. 6 feet under I thought to myself, I should be there before break of dawn. I dug until the misty morning air began to creep upon the NCA roof tops, my blistering hands on a mission. The oath of my office paired with the cry of the turkey vultures circling above me rang in my ears: Preserve. Protect. Defend. Bury this time capsule so that Fall 2019 at Kenyon College will live on in infamy.

The year is 2019 and it was time for the thrill to cement ourselves in Kenyon history. We decided to encapsulate our experience on the hill in object form for the historians, archeologists, and let’s face it probably just some construction worker to find when they inevitably bulldoze anything built later than 2012. Yes, we probably should have buried this time capsule in 2020 because it seems more monumental of a number but we didn’t.  I will not specify the exact location of this cache of treasures but here’s a hint: deciduous forest fire swamp. Here are the holy relics we placed for future civilization to find:

1. A Keystone Light
2. A vial of Moxie blood
3. 400+ crozier condoms
4. The password to our gmail account
5. A lock of Josh Radnor’s hair
6. A cowboy cookie
7. Lisa Wade’s book “American Hookup”
8. Some pebbles from Middle Path, because it will be paved the next time this time capsule it unearthed
9. A bacteria sample from the Old K basement walls
10. Poster from the Jim Tull talk. You know the one: “From Drama Major to International Conflict Specialist: What I Learned from Being Taken Hostage in Nicaragua”
11. Some hair dye, but like just for your curtain bangs
12. Pesto Mayo in a Ziplock bag
13. A picture of the market meatloaf sandwich (a real one would have been a goddamn waste)
14. A perfume sample of “l’odor de Mod B”
15. Our K-cards, because like whatever.

Stay tuned for a future Thrill article: The Geriatric Thrill Uncovers Their Time Capsule in the year 2119.