Red. Raised. Dry. Itchy. It might be the stick n poke your friend gave you last week with a Peirce fork shiv, but it also might be ringworm.

I recently came in contact with an individual (who wishes to remain anonymous for medical privacy) who believes they got ringworm from the Kokosing river last spring. I will call him Chuck.

“So basically three days before we left for school we were all shirtless hanging out and everyone was like ‘what the fuck is that on your chest'”

That’s when Chuck realized.

“It was a little rash I thought maybe it was an irritation from my [dirty] bed but it was sort of patterned so I knew something was up and it wasn’t just a normal rash.”

After some in depth internet research and deliberation with friends, Chuck determined that his chest was riddled with ringworm; but how did he conclude that the Kokosing was the source of his rash?

“I think that was the safest bet and most normal way to explain it. I didn’t touch any stray cats or garden but I had recently gone into the river and definitely played in the mud.”

I find it interesting that Chuck brought cats into the conversation because I personally got ringworm from shelter kittens that stayed with me for almost an entire year. My mind instantly turns to local celebrity cat, Moxie. I push back and ask Chuck if he had recently been holding Moxie.

“Absolutely not.”

Chuck is not a fan of Moxie. I ask Chuck about the lasting effects of his rash.

“It left a scar that looks like a scar.”

Chuck obviously has not yet recovered from his ring worm experience. As one can see above, he struggles to even describe the reality of his scars. I ask if he is afraid to return to the Kokosing.

“Not at all. I’ve already been back. Give me ringworm again, just not on my face. If it gave me ringworm on my face, I’d probably never get back in again and would look for someone to pay for it.”

Well, folks, I suppose it is now fact: the Kokosing river gives ringworm. If you or a loved one has been affected by ringworm via river-fun please contact The Kenyon Thrill – you may be entitled to financial or social compensation.