It’s the one weekend when Kenyon gaslights parents into believing they’re sending their children to an Autumnal Utopia. Kenyon pulls out all the tricks: the Deli is open on Sunday, the Chilitos margs are flowing, and every public forum is jam packed with white kids singing a cappella. But on this small campus, Family Weekend is hard to escape, and there’s one question we have to ask ourselves: where was it said? Family Weekend or in bed?

• “I’m not mad, just disappointed.”
• “It’s just the same thing every single time with you.”
• “You’ve grown!”
• “How can you be so miserable when this is so beautiful?”
• “Sorry we can’t do more. I’m just, like really stressed”
• “Nah, they didn’t come this time.”
• “The line for comfort is so long today.”
• “Do you want room for cream?” Laughs loudly, then says “Oh yeaaaahhh”
• “I can pay for it if you really want me to.”