If John Green Wrote a Kenyon-Inspired YA Novel, This Would Be the Summary

Hold on to your seats, because we at The Thrill obtained an advanced copy the newest YA hit: Finding Middlepath. This 100% real, verifiably true summary comes straight from the ever-flowing pen of Kenyon’s most esteemed export, the metaphor man himself, John Michael Green. Read it and weep.

College freshman Philander Mather-McBride is exceptionally ordinary. He plans to live the rest of his life with his only personality traits being his freckles and the fact that he has read Catcher in the Rye once. That is, until he meets enigmatic junior Koko Rivers. Koko is eccentric and unconventionally beautiful (you know, the type of beautiful that makes her attainable to a very boring guy). She divides her time between aimlessly frolicking through the cornfields of their rural Ohio campus and talking to the rat she found in her NCA.

And then, one magical Deb Ball night, Koko invites Philander into her world. And his life changes forever.

After an evening that becomes a blur of experimental dancing and *metaphorical* smoking, Philander is certain that he has fallen in love. It doesn’t matter that he has only really had one conversation with Koko (it was about how big the universe is). She’s special.

The night ended, but Philander’s feelings didn’t. So you can imagine his shock and dismay when she doesn’t show up to their Intro Film class that week. Philander soon learns that after a jaunt to the pine grove, Koko has vanished. And because he doesn’t have anything better to do (or maybe he just isn’t prioritizing his astronomy exam), it is up to Philander to find her.

What follows is a harrowing journey through the village of Gambier. Along the way, Philander encounters three separate a capella groups, two goats, and one very ticked off astronomy professor who doesn’t accept young love as grounds for an excused absence.

As he ventures along Middle Path and throughout the rest of campus looking for his lost love, Philander finds something even more valuable—he finds himself.*

*Which may or may not directly correlate with finding the girl and getting a humble peck on the lips from her. You’ll find out.

Praise for Finding Middlepath:

“This novel transported me back to the wonder and whimsy of my liberal arts education. Green does an exceptional job of placing the reader in the marvelous world of meal security, beautiful young women, and talking about the reading in a way that is vaguely pretentious.  All I can really say is: Can I go back to Kenyon? No, really, please. Can you imagine what a hoot Ted Mosby would be in Gambier?!” – Josh Radnor 

“As I confidently stated when reaching the top of Gambier Hill in 1825… Well, this will do.” – Philander Chase

“I don’t have any comments. I didn’t read the book. How did you even get this number? Did Josh Radnor give it to you?” – Allison Janney

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