Hello Everyone! I’m sure that by now, you have all seen my email that I sent out to the entire school with no approval from anybody. Yes, my new club is finally taking off! It’s Kenyon Fight Club time!

I saw the movie and was immediately inspired. I believe that Kenyon College is in dire need of a place where we can all feel free to unleash the deep rage we all feel when we try to open the Gund gallery doors (I will never learn the patience for how slowly those doors open). We must tap into our deepest instinctual nature as a campus for the sake of rebellion and protest. 

Unfortunately due to the “deeply problematic” nature of my club proposal, no location on campus has volunteered to host my gathering. I’ve tried to follow the first rule of fight club: “make him an offer I can’t refuse,” (my favorite quote from the movie Fight Club) but nothing has worked.  I have a few location ideas off the top of my head, but so far nobody has gotten back to me. I am calling upon YOU (the students) to help me find a home for my sweet little rage safe haven. Hopefully Brad Pitt will also email me back and help me out, but until then, please ask anyone in contact with any of these places if they will let me in!

1. Peirce Pub

The low lighting and overall grimy energy of Peirce Pub makes it a gorgeous site for a potential fight club. The only problem I could foresee would be the many tables and chairs that occupy the space, but we could always include those in the fights to make them more powerful.

2. Cemetery

Having a fight club among those graves might attract ghost fight club recruits…which I am not opposed to. 

3. The Greenhouse

The plants will breathe new life and emotion into our veins! It is the ideal escape from the materialism that consumes us. I will mercilessly toss someone right into the begonias, or directly into a warm plant light. Please let us duel among the plants.

4. The Mail Room after dark

It feels secluded enough that we shouldn’t have a problem. I’m also hoping to borrow some packages from other people while I’m there, but that’s neither here nor there. I’ll bring them back, I promise. 

5. A laundry room

The rising steam will truly contribute to the sweat factor of the fighting, which we all know is the most crucial elements of a good fight. It is encouraged but not required to push people into the dryer during a laundry room fight.

Please come to fight club! There will be boxed coffee and snacks :) and also bloodshed.