If you think you have Kenyon Halloween all figured out, guess again, you ignorant slut! For anyone needing inspo for next year or anyone who wants to feel bad about costumes past, I’ve compiled this list of top notch (and shit tier) Kenyon costumes that’ll instantly make or break your reputation here on the Hill.
- Arthur Reed. Having fun isn’t hard when you have a library card! Trendy, wire-rimmed glasses? A thrifted sweater the color of piss? Cuffed mom jeans? Muddied white converse? A man with a passion for literature? What more could a Kenyon student want?
- Karl Marx. This Communist Daddy is the ideal thing to be at any sweaty Old K party on Halloween. Who wouldn’t be into that thicc beard and bourgeoisie-hating-ass?
- Moxie. Not to be confused with the classic black cat that only ~other girls~ dress up as, the Moxie costume is quintessential to having a fun Halloween. Make sure to hire an army of frenzied paparazzi to get the true Moxie Experience™!
- Graham Gund. All you need is a bald cap, a love of architecture, a hatred of trashcans, and $75 million!
- Peirce cup. Maybe the spookiest costume on this entire list, Peirce cups are even better at ghosting (hAha) Kenyon students than your average fuckboy. The only danger to wearing this costume is that the 0.1% of people on this campus who haven’t bought a reusable water bottle (me) might take you back to their apartment and leave you on top of a pile of Michel Foucault essays, never to be seen again.
- Anything with plaid. Whether it be Cher from Clueless or a rugged lumberjack, you really can’t go wrong with this timeless pattern. As long as it’s grunge-y enough, you won’t risk your social status being knocked down a few pegs. The Kenyon Aesthetic never rests.
- Anything that would get you labelled a “basic bitch”. It’s important to not be like oTher GirLz!
- Pubescent Frog of Silent War. ??????
3. That is all