It’s sad to admit, but Kenyon isn’t exactly known as a collegiate sports powerhouse. Sure, we’ve got the basics– football, baseball, basketball, walking to the KAC– but maybe it would boost our sports reputation if we added to our slate of athletics. Here are seven sports teams that we don’t have, but should have.

1. Bocce. A popular (?) yard game, bocce is simple enough to be mastered by anyone within about ten minutes of gameplay. It also requires absolutely no stamina or athletic skills. This would be a great start, because just about everybody has the capacity to play this game, so our school could ease its way into the world of college sports.

2. Bowling. My high school bowling team only had three students and we had to fill its page in the yearbook with nonsense clipart images (e.g. a pennant that reads “GO TEAM”) to take up space due to a lack of photos. Now I’m in college and there’s still no bowling team? Please make this one happen.

3. Bocce Bowling. Good luck knocking down any pins with a ball that weighs no more than two pounds. This sport may not exist at Kenyon yet, but that doesn’t mean there’s no hope for it, once we figure out the logistics.

4. Parkour. PLEASE bring back parkour. Kenyon has the perfect campus for it: there’s an unfinished library that’s made entirely out of beams! A parkourist’s paradise. They should probably just stop working on the library and declare the foundation Kenyon’s new parkour arena.

5. Poker. It’s safe to assume Kenyon students are pretty smart. We all got in here, after all. That means that there’s a percentage of students who have excellent strategic intuition and could make up a team of poker players à la that movie 21 starring Josh Gad. 

6. Poker Parkour. This game requires extra skill; not only do you have to keep a poker face, you have to hold your cards in such a way that the other players can’t see them as you flip from table to rooftop to Olympic podium.

7. Lacrosse.