As a tall girl ally, I’ve been taking to investigate the height disparities of the Peirce bathrooms. So I looked at that beautiful wood molding and discovered something wonderful.

Peirce 106. Peirce 107. The restrooms are numbered. (And yes, 106 is the Men’s restroom, coming first for those of you keeping tabs on this glaring gender disparity.)

The restrooms are numbered. Why the hell are the restrooms numbered? And the only question, the only important question, occurred to me– can you reserve the Peirce bathrooms? Imagine the possibilities. Seminars on the toilet, using the mirror as a whiteboard. Let’s not even get into the figurative significance of the mirror as a whiteboard. An all-campus in the Peirce bathrooms, if the Old K basement isn’t wet or crowded enough for you. 

As an investigative reporter, I immediately dove into the case in an attempt to find this crucial answer for the people of Kenyon. Unfortunately, being in charge of nothing I’m not supposed to have access to reserving spaces. My intrepid spirit would not be stalled there. I was left with no choice but to use my womanly wiles to coerce the only club head I know, one Sarah Tomasi of Fermentation Friends, into checking the reservation list to see if our favorite abodes were listed. Thanks, Sarah– only a true friend will Duo Push for you. The results, though, were disappointing.

103 and 109, no 106 or 107. Kenyon College, consider this a call to action. Occupy Restrooms.