Most of the time we try to keep it light-hearted over here at The Thrill, but I feel that now is the time of year to get real with our emotions. It’s Peircegiving time. The time of year when we hold our friends and their friends close, and tell everyone just how Peirceful we are for one another. In the spirit of the season, I’d like to give Peirces for just a few of the great many things that I am blessed to have in my life this Peircegiving time.

I like to think of Peircegiving as step-thanksgiving. It’s much like regular thanksgiving, but it’s not my real dad and it never will be. When we celebrate Peircegiving, we’re not celebrating giving thanks, we’re giving Peirces. Peirces are much like regular thanks, but they’re less meaningful because Kenyon College is a bleak tundra in November and college students are lawless shameless husks of human beings. That being said, in order to get at that delectable bounty this Thursday, we must all evaluate ourselves, and how lucky we are to be here this Peircegiving. But nothing too emotional, because that belongs with regular thanksgiving according to the joint-custody agreement.

1. The tolerance of my professors: To every master’s degree holder whose field I’ve disrespected with my mere presence in their class: I apologize. You all have the patience of saints and understanding for days. Yeah, even I know what I’m saying makes absolutely no sense, but you try so hard to spin it into something coherent. Peirce you for everything you do.
2. Streaming services: Oh, to veg out for hours on end whilst avoiding work. It would be so much harder to do without online subscription services that allow you to stream hours of quality content. I am being intentionally vague about this entry because I am not sponsored by any of these services, however I do appreciate their contributions to my procrastination and deteriorating time-management skills.
3. Student employees: You’re an inspiration. Taking time out of your day to do work somewhere other than where you typically do work is a brave choice that not many of us can fathom. Go get that bread, earn that dough, and make some money my sweet babies.
4. Greek organizations: I hate to overgeneralize (I don’t), but I’m peirceful for all that the greek organizations on campus do. And no, I’m not talking about their community service, or the lukewarm events they throw twice a semester. I’m peirceful for greek life because they show me I’m not at rock bottom yet. For every time I’ve walked home at 3 AM, there have been loud men walking around in solidarity. Each time I’ve had to pee at a crowded NCA, there has been a woman retching into the bathroom sink. Who among us can say that we don’t take comfort in the antics of those Greeple?
5. Student Athletes: Hey pals! Long time no see. Or to be completely honest, all time no see. Maybe I met you once during orientation? Even if I don’t know you at all (and chances are I don’t), I’m still peirceful for all the hard work you put in to make Kenyon firmly average.
6. You: Oh scarecrow, I think I’ll miss you most of all. Every Kenyon student serves to make this place what it is, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Peirce you Kenyon College student body, for all the weird shit you do so well. That being said, if you try to cut me in line at Peircegiving, I will beat the living shit out of you.