How to Survive Your “Collaborative” Final Project

Okay, so your professor is trying to be ~hip~ and ~non-traditional~ and has assigned a “collaborative” final project. Don’t panic. Even though your grade now hinges on other, likely incompetent, people, you must remember to stay calm. Here are some steps to combat the inevitable feelings of dread, frustration, and anxiety.

Step 1. It’s okay to cry. Let it out. Group projects suck.

Step 2. Try to communicate, and communicate early.

Step 3. In fact, set up a leadership structure wherein people take on certain tasks.

Step 4. Be focused on your project—pretend you’re on a desert island when you’re working on it. Ignore all other distractions. It’s just you and your group.

Step 5. If the leadership isn’t working, a little coup should do the trick.

Step 6. Declare yourself the new leader and slaughter a pig to commemorate the occasion.

Step 7. Fight your groupmembers with spears or giant boulders if they refuse to cooperate.

Step 8. When inevitably all else fails, commit arson.

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