Quiz: Should You Mulligan That Class Or Fake Your Own Death?

Let’s face it: first semester Econ has been tough. You’ve neglected homework assignments, failed tests, and disappointed your professor — and, at this point, it seems like the registrar’s one-time “Mulligan” option might be your best bet at academic safety. 

However, if you’re not into confrontation, chances are you’ve been considering the only other rational option: staging a home invasion, road tripping to Mexico, getting a job in a tinfoil factory, and maybe marrying a cute local to make yourself less suspicious in the eyes of the Mexican government. 

Unsure of which to choose? Take this quiz to find out!

Question #1: What’s your major?

A → Theater/Film Double Major.

BMajor? I’m just here to get laid, pop recreational adderall and piss off my dad.

C → Econ.

Question #2: How are you feeling about finals week?

A → Pretty bad! I’ve straight-up failed my past 9 Econ tests, and my professor has sent me numerous academic alerts. I’m starting to fear the worst!

BFinals week? I’ve spent the past three months living in the BFEC with nothing but eight packs of cigarettes and a tent. I have been declared legally ‘missing’ by the Knox County sheriff’s department.

C → Not great. My Econ final is really stressing me out — I’ve got a lot of studying to do!

Question #3: When was the last time you cried? 

A → Last week, when I got another failing grade on an Econ test. I really suck at that class!

B → Cried? I haven’t cried since 2007, when both of my parents were killed in a tragic spear-fishing accident. I was raised by my Aunt Gladys, who called me “little bitch” and forced me to give her daily oatmeal baths.

C → Juice WRLD’s death. 

Question #4: Describe your relationship with your father.

A → He’ll totally kill me if I fail this class. 

B → Father? He died in 2007. I now live with my Aunt Gladys, who calls me “little bitch” and forces me to give her daily oatmeal baths.

C → We get along pretty well.

Your results…

Mostly As = If you got mostly As, it means you should collect what’s left of your dignity and mulligan the class. What do you have to lose?

Mostly Bs = Uh-oh! If you got mostly Bs, it looks like you should probably fake your own death. Your family clearly won’t miss you, plus I hear Tijuana is beautiful this time of year. Hasta Luego

Mostly Cs = Jesus Christ, Kyle, just take the Econ final and move on with your life.

2 responses

  1. Love this. My exact position 40 years ago. My new buddies where chanting “party bowls and forget about it”, which I could not ignore. Got that big Goose Egg in Econ and had to take summer school classes all 3 summers after that. Oy vey.

  2. Pingback: Applying to the Thrill Made my Life Better… And Could Make Yours Better Too. « The Kenyon Thrill

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