Let’s face it: first semester Econ has been tough. You’ve neglected homework assignments, failed tests, and disappointed your professor — and, at this point, it seems like the registrar’s one-time “Mulligan” option might be your best bet at academic safety.
However, if you’re not into confrontation, chances are you’ve been considering the only other rational option: staging a home invasion, road tripping to Mexico, getting a job in a tinfoil factory, and maybe marrying a cute local to make yourself less suspicious in the eyes of the Mexican government.
Unsure of which to choose? Take this quiz to find out!
Question #1: What’s your major?
A → Theater/Film Double Major.
B → Major? I’m just here to get laid, pop recreational adderall and piss off my dad.
C → Econ.
Question #2: How are you feeling about finals week?
A → Pretty bad! I’ve straight-up failed my past 9 Econ tests, and my professor has sent me numerous academic alerts. I’m starting to fear the worst!
B → Finals week? I’ve spent the past three months living in the BFEC with nothing but eight packs of cigarettes and a tent. I have been declared legally ‘missing’ by the Knox County sheriff’s department.
C → Not great. My Econ final is really stressing me out — I’ve got a lot of studying to do!
Question #3: When was the last time you cried?
A → Last week, when I got another failing grade on an Econ test. I really suck at that class!
B → Cried? I haven’t cried since 2007, when both of my parents were killed in a tragic spear-fishing accident. I was raised by my Aunt Gladys, who called me “little bitch” and forced me to give her daily oatmeal baths.
C → Juice WRLD’s death.
Question #4: Describe your relationship with your father.
A → He’ll totally kill me if I fail this class.
B → Father? He died in 2007. I now live with my Aunt Gladys, who calls me “little bitch” and forces me to give her daily oatmeal baths.
C → We get along pretty well.
Mostly As = If you got mostly As, it means you should collect what’s left of your dignity and mulligan the class. What do you have to lose?
Mostly Bs = Uh-oh! If you got mostly Bs, it looks like you should probably fake your own death. Your family clearly won’t miss you, plus I hear Tijuana is beautiful this time of year. Hasta Luego!
Mostly Cs = Jesus Christ, Kyle, just take the Econ final and move on with your life.