Here’s What Happened to the Speed Bumps Outside Peirce

Walking into Peirce the first week after break, something felt off. Something had changed, but what was it? Throughout dinner that night, no one said a word, too preoccupied with the cause of this malaise– the sudden disappearance of the speed bumps that once surrounded Peirce. So what happened to them? As Kenyon’s top investigative journal since 1824, The Thrill strives to enlighten the student body with the truth, so we were on the case to solve this mystery.

I began the search by going to see if my advisor had any leads– even if he didn’t know what had happened to the speed bumps, I figured he would know someone who did. He asked me how high up the ladder I wanted to take this, and subsequently sent me all the way to the highest rung, giving me the contact for Kenyon’s Chief Business Officer, Mark Kohlman. I sent Mr. Kohlman an email explaining that we at The Thrill are very curious as to the speed bumps’ vanishing and would like to know their whereabouts.

Mr. Kohlman replied the next morning, telling me that the speed bumps have been “sent off to a better place”– that is, they’ve been repurposed into pavement for other roads in need throughout Knox County (“They were sad to leave but they understood they had more to contribute”). Mr. Kohlman also gave me an exclusive statement directly from one of the speed bumps itself: “In the words of SB2: ‘my time slowing traffic on College Park street and providing a safe pedestrian environment for Kenyon students has been a great pleasure. I expect to see old friends (cars) along the roads of Knox County in the near future. I only ask that people spend a little more time washing the underside of their cars as we have to look at them all day long.’”

A touching farewell, I’d say. But one question remained: why? According to Mr. Kohlman, “they were removed over the break because they were causing damage to cars.” So there you have it. Another case solved by The Thrill.

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