It’s Valentine’s Day in the city of love, and nobody does romance like the students of Kenyon College. The weather is ripe for the romance, as freezing rain could emerge at any moment. Fear not! There is sensuality in the slush. Here’s how to make the most of this dismal Gambier Valentine’s day with your sweetheart:

Picture this: you pick up your date at 4 pm, surprising them as soon as they walk out of Smather by screaming sweet nothings at them. They fall right in the slush, frightened. It’s all going exactly, according to plan. You have a towel at the ready to dry them off, and an extra coat to offer them to keep warm (for this to work, you’re going to have to wear two coats, since obviously, you’re not going to want to sacrifice your own warmth).

They say “I thought we were going to hang out at 7:30?” You say, “You’ll see.” They say “I was supposed to go to the health center for an urgent appointment, but I guess it can wait.” You cover their eyes with a blindfold and lead them on a journey for one hour. You’re walking in circles from North to South campus, tricking them into thinking that you’re going somewhere far, but you’re really just wasting time so that your roommate Jared will set up the Main Event. Finally, finally, you deliver and bring your honey pie to the destination, just as they’re starting to suspect that they’ve already been kidnapped.

It’s the Peirce servery!! It’s empty, as you’ve told everyone that Peirce is closed for Valentine’s day and everyone believed you because the email you sent to everyone was super mean. You’ve covered it in rose petals. You each select a plate of meatloaf, before traveling to a candlelit table covered in a tablecloth. Your date asks if this is just a Peirce date. It is, but that’s just the beginning.

After your feast, you travel to the dish carousel. But…what’s this?

The carousel is covered in paper hearts and Valentine’s streamers. Red romantic lighting illuminates the gleaming chunks of chewed up food and magical dishwater. You’re going to give your date the ride of their life: you’ve turned the Peirce carousel into the Tunnel of Love that they’ve always dreamed of.