Seeking Three Housemates for Next Year (Serious Inquiries Only)

Seeking 3 (three) housemates for a North Campus Apartment next year. I am a reasonable, flexible person, but I have a few small requirements that I absolutely will not budge on.

Rising seniors strongly preferred so we can get the best lottery numbers. If our group does not get an NCA, we will settle for an upstairs New Apt because they have A/C and really aren’t that bad, the woods are pretty. If you would ever even consider living in a Taft you can swallow nails. 

Must agree to keep the A/C blasting in the hotter months. I get angry when I get overheated, and I have a circulation issue where my body can’t regulate its internal temperature, so I get overheated a lot

Must all feel STRONGLY that the toilet lid should be CLOSED when you flush it! It is simply the sanitary, humane thing to do.

Must be willing to host (or tolerate me hosting) the occasional small to mid-sized party and must also willing to call Camp-O on ourselves if random freshmen start showing up.

Shower sex will be permitted on a strict ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ basis.

Sex in common areas will generally be permitted on a strict ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ basis but really think about what you’re doing. Think about who’s had sex on that couch before. The beers that have been spilled on that carpet. The NCAs are college apartments and despite their natural lighting, they are soaked in alcohol and semen.

That said do not have sex in the kitchen for the love of god.

Most importantly, I MUST have a single. I literally get housing accommodations that say I need a single and also access to a single-person restroom but I’m not renewing them because last year SASS and Res Life tried to put me on 2nd floor Caples even though I knew for a fact that there were no single-person restrooms on 2nd floor Caples because I lived there at the time and they were like “sorry” so I was like “okay I guess I’ll try to have my legitimate documented disabilities accommodated through the lottery then, and also do you realize I could actually sue you for this but I won’t because I don’t have the financial resources to do so???” 

On that note if we do get an apartment with only one bathroom, please understand that when I gotta go, I GOTTA GO. If you try to complain I WILL bring up the Americans with Disabilities Act.

Applicants must send all of the following references:

  • Any current roommates/housemates
  • A summer camp counselor or comparable childhood figure
  • Your freshman year roommate. If you no longer speak to your freshman year roommate, that tells me all I need to know.

People with peanut allergies need not apply.

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