5 Ways to Sit in Peirce Without Facing the Crippling Reality of Being Known

At this point, it feels like the people asking if they can take a chair from your table are just trying to point out how alone you are because there’s several completely empty tables surrounding you that they could take a chair from. Here’s how you can tackle your inner demons and feel safe to eat in Peirce once and for all.

  1. Make your concerns heard by walking in and announcing, “I know you guys are looking at me, and I don’t care. Please don’t watch while I eat four consecutive bowls of cereal and three Chef Jeremy bars.”
  2. Ask every person and every table one question about themselves so you can get to know them better and create a safe space for yourself where you feel comfortable eating.
  3. Eat under a crowded table and don’t let anyone at the table leave until you’re done eating.
  4. Plant a distraction (ex. giant glowing orb in the middle of new side?) at exactly the time that you want to eat so that nobody will pay attention when you have your meal.
  5. Ask AVI workers if you can sit next to them at lunch today and hide in the kitchen.

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