How to Tell Your Family About Your Weekend Without Revealing Your Heathen Ways

So, it’s that time again. You finally remember to call your family, they ask you how your weekend was, and you don’t have an answer. What are you supposed to say, that you partied so hard you don’t actually remember your weekend? Having some pre-prepared white lies to these questions can help you get out of situations like this. Luckily, they’re so simple, you can remember them no matter how hungover you are.

  1. Laundry: Make your mamma proud! Give off the illusion that you are, in fact, responsible and self-sufficient. Leave out the part where you only washed that shirt because you puked in it the other night.
  2. Went to a play: This is a relatively safe bet. No one’s heard of half of the plays people put on at Kenyon, so there’s a good chance your family won’t have any clue that you didn’t really see Senior Thesis #6.
  3. Took a walk: Technically, you did walk to that NCA throwing a rager, so this doesn’t count as a lie, does it?
  4. Starred in a play: Maybe it’s a bit of a stretch, but it’s definitely been long enough between calls that your parents will believe it when you say you’ve been so incredibly busy putting on that show, and you kept forgetting to tell them to fly out and see it. 
  5. Partied hard: Okay, maybe your parents are totally cool with you drinking yourself into a coma, and you don’t need to hide it. Whatever. The rest of us will be hiding from your family when they come pick you up, lest they let something slip in front of our parents that tarnishes our wholesome personas.

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