Freak Things I’ve Heard In The Common Room At 3 A.M

You know the scene: It’s a Saturday night. You and your friends have just finished gorging on some Dominos cheesy bread after a night of hitting up a random all-campus followed by some NCA-hopping. You and your friend are the last two survivors at 3 AM when everyone’s gone to sleep, hiding out in the common room as both of your roommates are asleep. It is my theory the  deepest of conversations happen past midnight, but that’s kind of hard to accomplish when so many weird beings pass through the common room in a drunken stupor. Here are some freaky things I’ve overheard or seen in the common room at 3 AM.

  1. “Do you guys want some tea? We know who stole the eight-ball”: Long-story short, there’s a frequently-used pool table on the first floor of Gund Hall, one that has been missing its eight-ball for three weeks now. Yeah…someone stole the eight ball, and it caused a huge war throughout the dorm. People put up vicious memes threatening whoever stole the eight-ball…the CA got quite pissed…pretty typical stuff. Secret’s out now that I know who stole the eight-ball, as two random students confessed to me last weekend. They’ll remain anonymous here for the sake of their safety.
  2. “Dude, I pee in the shower all the time.” “ON GOD??”: Two first-years yelled at one another from the boys hallway. Still processing this one.
  3. “Would I be a dom or a sub? Maybe I’m a switch?”: No shame in being vocal about such a personal dilemma but it is quite awkward loudly shouting this question as you run through the common room. 
  4. “Why should we be expected to know any Spice Girl other than Beyonce?”: Now this one just made me sad.
  5. “My dog is getting physical therapy…that’s better healthcare than FOR MOST AMERICANS”: Actually, scratch what I said in the introduction. Maybe the deepest conversations can occur in the common room after 3 AM. This girl spoke the truth.

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