I hope this article finds you all safe and healthy. I know we’re trying to cope with these unsettling times the best we can- drugs, binge-watching Pandemic, and hoarding all the basic commodities we so desperately need, to name just a few. For me, it was investing all of my savings into a bear market economy, trying to get back with my ex, being super passive aggressive to my entire family (including our dog), and eventually reading the entire Twilight series.
I thought I was having a fever dream: a deadly virus had trapped me in an enclosed space with the very family members I thought I had finally escaped. Last year, the final season of Game Of Thrones was a disappointment, and now this. There is a global pandemic, and my Econ class has somehow become even more boring. I just hoped I didn’t wake up from the fever dream to find out that I actually had coronavirus.
It all started during my family’s flight back from Florida. There was a thin mist of hand sanitizer in the cabin, and the airplane had never been cleaner. A few minutes after we were seated, my mom urged me to wipe down the armrest for the umpteenth time. Just as I was telling her to “stop overreacting!” the man sitting next to her began to vomit. My parents shot out of their seats and were at the front of the plane before I could say, “That man just vomited on my parents!” The pilot got on the intercom and told us that we were returning to the terminal to remove a “passenger in distress,” which, at that point, was all of us.
It’s a sad sign of the times when the pilot gets on the intercom and says, “don’t worry folks, our distressed passenger was just intoxicated.” and everyone cheers. Fortunately, the man didn’t have coronavirus but rather had too many coronas. However, this incident only served to fuel a paranoia which has kept my family under house arrest since.
Trapped inside Mrs. Havisham’s, I quickly burned through all my favorite TV shows, books, and movies. With nothing else to do, I turned to my mother’s collection of kindle ebooks. I had to choose between a plethora of self-help books, Fifty Shades of Grey, and an unfamiliar novel called Twilight. After reading Fifty Shades of Grey and then re-reading it, I decided to give Twilight a chance.
Twilight is a romantic thriller that follows the journey of high school senior, Bella, as she falls in love with the mysterious vampire, Edward. The best part is that it’s not as romantic as everyone thinks. Edward’s desire for Bella is based on the fact that he wants to suck her blood. I don’t think the average reader understands Edward’s attraction to Bella is the same as my attraction to a diet Coke. Finally, a romance I can relate to.
The next three books in the series sped by faster than a 20-second hand wash. There were many moments of unbridled fantasy; intense werewolf-vampire battles, literally undying love, and a baseball game that was actually interesting. Now that the read is over, I feel so lost. If only I had a large collection of self-help books to bring me back into the light.
My home state, New York, has over 25,000 cases of Coronavirus, and while taking precautionary measures like social distancing is infuriating, it’s the only way to ensure our wellbeing. If you’re stuck at home with nothing to do, I have one piece of advice: go read Fifty Shades of Grey, and then maybe give Twilight and chance.