Salutations plebes. I’ve started to question the level of reality of this thing we call “Kenyon” “College.” As the days go by, my time on the hill feels more and more like a lengthy lucid dream. Sure, I have hours and hours of vivid memories stored in my little pea-brain of all the quintessential Kenyon moments, like passing a raccoon on Middle Path, and feeling that fleeting sense of spiritual connection between man and beast, or sitting at a New Side rectangle table for so long that your ears begin to ring and your vision starts to blur. But are those moments of bliss from my “College” “Experience” fact? Or are they fictions my neurons slap-dashed together on a particularly turbulent night of dreams? Am I really here, writing this catchup? Or am I tucked away in deep sleep, having an especially surreal dream that has quickly turned nightmare? Terrors of the brain aside, here’s the weekend:

My Weekend:

• High: Picked up the final member of my ~Kenyon Hype House~ and brought him to Trader Joe’s for the first time (THE FIRST TIME!!!!!???)
• Low: We went to Marshall’s in hopes of finding the bliss she so often provides, and instead were met with hordes of reckless civilians walking against the one-way arrows clearly marked on the floor of the store.
• Buffalo: Used a chunk of my precious time on Earth watching US Love Island.

But, how was YOUR weekend?

“I have bacterial vaginosis. So.”

“I saw a duck in the dark and that’s a fact.”

~~A Look Ahead~~

What: The new Kenyon website?

When: September 16th?

Where: The internet?

Why: Unknown.