Oh hey. It’s me. That’s right. I am that annoying 3/4 first year who robbed a division III baseball team of their dilapidated New Apt that they insist on calling their “trap house.” The rumors are true. I have never been to Springfest or seen the BFEC, yet I am tearing it up in a dingle room that would’ve belonged to an abroad junior. Ciao bella! I know, I know. You may argue, “she doesn’t deserve it! She needs to do her time in a graffitied prison tower or at least a shoebox single on South Campus.” And let me be the first to say, I hear you, I see you and most importantly, I am also as equally confused as to how I got here. I lived in a McBride Triple. A TRIPLE. Not one, not two, but three bodies coming in and out of a brick chamber where the halls oozed and icked Domino’s grease and cigarette smoke. The common room and the acclaimed sex closet were my neighbors. Let me tell you, those thin walls did not spare me.
The New Apts are different. For one, living in an apartment is so adult. Living in a 6 man with three people? Dingle room? Kitchen? Own bathroom? Cut the cameras. Where’s the catch? Regardless of their mold and water damage, the new apps are probably the nicest place I will live in for the next 5 years. Seriously. I will never take the McBride cleaning staff for granted. EVER. Cleaning my toilet on a Sunday morning is THE most humbling experience I have ever had. I’ll spare you and I won’t get into specifics, but wow.
I mean no disrespect to the New Apts, however, I can’t help but crave the chaos that came with living in McBride. Something about watching kids drop tabs for the first time and feel connected to the hall murals, and call out “Mom?” There is nothing like it. Watching a legal adult hiss and coo at a feline lurking outside the breezeway, only for someone to call out “Tim, TIM TIM, that is a seething raccoon, not a cat. TIM, seriously stop! It’s foaming at the mouth!!” Students buying Franzia off of one other because their “older brother’s Alabama fake just started to peel?” There’s a true sense of community there. Sort of poetic? Not to say the New Apps don’t provide that chaos in a multitude of ways. We are living in a pandemic, of course. I loved experiencing a tornado warning and a borderline hurricane and grabbing my Crockpot to act as a cleanup tool and a militant weapon. Or figuring out a way to unclog my own toilet after eating Chilitos for three nights in a row. Or finding a way to get a rodent size bug out of my bed. That was not easy to kill. The chaos is in different…more adult forms.
So don’t worry upperclassmen, us sophomores will be suuuuure to keep the broken oven in the lax NCA and the water damage in the New Apts just the way you left them.