DIY: Turn your New Apt into a Cottagecore Dreamhouse (With Pictures!)

DIY: Turn your New Apt into a Cottagecore Dreamhouse (With Pictures!)

The New Apts are by far the most cottagecore-friendly housing option at Kenyon, Farm included. My own time in the F-block can only be described as idyllic. I had 43 potted plants growing in my single. I kept a chicken coop behind the tennis courts. I was paying a Wiggin Street third grader to look after them over spring break. Alas, when I returned a month later to pack my belongings, all my plants were dead, and my chickens were nowhere to be found.

If you are lucky enough to live in the New Apts this year, you must seize the opportunity to create your own cottagecore paradise. And if you see any stray chickens (four hens, one rooster, and hopefully some chicks by now) please let me know.

  1. Replace your wooden bed with a crocheted hammock…

It’s easier than you’d think! At least according to this blog for hardcore crocheters. Here are some patterns!

  1. … And build a birdhouse from your useless bed frame!


  1. Make a garden mosaic out of broken bottles by the Beta apartment

Mosaicing is a very calming activity, and the results are GORGEOUS. 

  1. Hunt deer and make pelts from their skins

My window looked out into the woods, and every morning I’d watch families of deer prance through the trees and think to myself, if I had a bow-and-arrow I could Katniss that doe down right here right now. Now you can live out my subsistence hunting dreams and cozy up in that Bambi hide through the Ohio winter. Here’s a graphic YouTube tutorial of how to skin deer. 

  1. Cultivate mushrooms <3 on the walls <3

Last year I found some black-colored mold growing behind my bedroom and I had to submit an urgent work order to make sure it wasn’t toxic. It wasn’t, but maintenance went ahead and removed it anyway?? What the heck??? it was cute!!!!

  1. Key the words “EARTH KILLR” into the side of every car parked in the New Apt lot.

Zero tolerance for emissions. 

  1. Pickle produce from the salad bar

Is there even a salad bar this year? Whatever. Pickle SOMETHING.  Here’s how!

  1. Bathe in the Kokosing River

Lather, rinse, repeat in the coursing waters of the great Kokosing. For best results, bathe at dawn! 

  1. Bake sourdough with your own yeast infections

Yeast infections are a fact of life, especially when your life involves the Kokosing River. But when life gives you lemons, make sourdough! Like this woman did!

  1. Train the mice living in the walls to pleasure you sexually

All you gotta do is put down some cheese.

  1. Brew tea in your water heater

The water heater closet is usually locked, so you’ll have to break down the door, but mineral-rich tea will be worth it.

  1. Murder the other residents of your block
  2. Quilt blankets out of socks people leave in the laundry room

Here’s a DIY guide!

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