10 O’Clock List: Coronavirus-Safe Guests You Could Bring to Campus

Hello again… this is so sad… COVID-19 has ravaged the world and now only sophomores and the first-years are on Kenyon campus and that means no GUESTS and VISITORS… except we at the Thrill are innovators and geniuses so I personally have come up with a tentative shortlist of wonderful guests to bring to campus… this article is a winner, you’ll see.

  1. The Pig from Babe
    Starting off strong!!!! Oink Oink! Who wants to rub the wet and healthy snout of the pig from the 1995 hit movie Babe as he bounces and hops around campus? The best part of the WHOLE arrangement? 48 pigs were used to play Babe in the movie, so we could have a whole dangerous pig stampede on campus! Sure, it might not SEEM fun to have your ribs stomped in by a big calcified pig hoof, but you can’t know until it happens!
  2. The Cast of Hotel for Dogs
    Voila. Sure, there’s a couple humans from the cast you probably could not or should not bring. You might be nervous thinking about outside people visiting campus. However, I think your mind will be very rapidly changed as soon as Emma Roberts from 2009 unleashes a veritable swarm of genetically-modified smiling dogs that use their thick claws to scale the side of the church and call out a loud bellow.
  3. One Poster of Colbie Caillat
    Summer Sendoff just will not be the same this year, there’s absolutely no denying it. But, as a treat for the incoming first-years, I think something that would really benefit Kenyon’s head decision-makers would be to trick every kid into believing that Summer Sendoff was always just several posters taped around campus with radios underneath playing their songs. For this early fall semester to capture the “leaves changing colors” vibes, there should be a large floor-to-ceiling poster of Colbie Caillat with “Fallin’ for You” playing on loop beneath. Welcome to the class of 2024!
  4. That Girl who Acts like a Dog from Tiktok
    Do you guys remember her? Did I dream her… There was that one girl on Tiktok who had a leash around her neck and she drank water out of a metal bowl in a very, very public location. I bet she’d be safe to bring to campus. I just have a “guts feeling” (term I made up)

Okay guys! I have a few more ideas (like any animal and DaBaby because I think he has “animated Cheshire Cat DNA” spliced in among his own) but I won’t bore you with the details. Comment below what other critters you want to see on Middle Path. :)

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