Before I grant you this knowledge, I need to absolutely and unequivocally say I don’t endorse anyone doing this. Seriously, this is only a theoretical How-To, it was never meant to be put into practice. If I find out anyone has done this, I will be very upset. 

You might be asking then, why was this guide created at all? Well because humans are imperfect, me most of all. I just couldn’t get rid of the tickling, tantalizing “What If?” that haunts my mind. I hope that by writing down this forbidden How-To that I will finally be free of temptation.

Step 1: Again I can’t stress enough how much you shouldn’t do this. Empty the bowl of Amish butter in Peirce into a plastic shopping bag once a day until you have collected enough Amish butter.

Step 2: Seriously, by reading any further you’re accepting a certain amount of responsibility. Don your heaviest winter clothes, snowpants included.

Step 3: I will hold you accountable for what you do with this knowledge. Find a good spot in the atrium where the sunlight shines in. 

Step 4: Please stop reading. Spread the butter across your back, arms and legs with a large spatula or other large butter spreading utensil.

Step 5: I’m putting my trust in you to not do this. Lean back until your body meets the ground, then flail your arms and legs with abandon in a classic snow angel motion.

Step 6: Have I not been clear enough? Peel yourself off the greasy ground and hope that no one is counting your sins.

Step 7: By reading this far you’ve broken my trust. Admire your butter angel silhouette.