Hi there, my little Stitch Babies! It’s me, the fairy godmother. Just wanted to let you know that it’s your lucky day- Kenyon College is now the first American collegiate institution to offer a class to boost your future career as a Disney adult.
The course is shaped around all the essentials of telling people to ‘let people enjoy things’ and having a big ol’ blast in the Magic effing Kingdom, babe! Taught by a professor who is going to be dressed as Snow White the whole time (who will refuse to break character EVER so don’t even try to find out who they are in real life), this course will take your Pinterest boards to life.
First, we will teach you how to stand in front of the big honkin’ castle. You will learn how to hold balloons and little treats (like Dole Whip! which is ice cream they don’t have anywhere else because it’s yellow and ugly) and how to stand on one foot like the little princess you are. You’ll learn how to write ‘Happiest Place on Earth’ and do silly little dances. Dance, Monkey! Dance for the mouse. Course materials include every post indulging ‘secrets’ of the disney parks: for example, did you know if you dance in a circle around the Small World ride singing the Dumbo soundtrack, God will whisper in your ear and tell you how to feel like a child again?
Prerequisites include environmental science 100 (so we know you CAN probably talk to animals) and being a person who is living on a very thin border of becoming a youth pastor. Also, using any of this knowledge will cost you one billion dollars (rough estimate) so we hope you are willing to give it all up to the house of mouse beyond this course.