Dag gummit, my back’s acting up again! Every time I stand up from my easy chair, I get a crick in my back that I can’t ignore anymore.

I’ve tried every trick in the book. Icing it, stretching, moving around. I’m this close to running to my local pharmacy and picking up an IcyHot to nuke that back pain in five seconds flat.

Remote learning? What does that have to do with my back trouble? You’re telling me that sitting in the same position for hours on end isn’t good for my back?

What a load of humbug. My seated posture is perfect at all times: sitting in my office chair with my knees up to my chest, upon which my laptop is precariously balanced.

The problem is not my posture, or the endless hours spent hunched over my schoolwork. The problem is my old age. This is the natural degradation of the human body after a long, full life.

Wait, it’s still 2020? I haven’t aged fifty years?

Well, my back sure did. Explain that, scientists!