If Phoebe Bridgers Wrote “Scott Street” About the Vernal Erasure of the First Years

Hello, Gambier! Remember us? We moved out two weeks ago and you seem to have forgotten us. Plan Ahead put us all on the naughty list, and we’re settling back into the bedrooms our parents made into storage spaces for yarn and the YA fiction of yesteryear. It feels like yesterday that we were parading around Gund Commons, printing out our silly little English 103 readings and gossiping about how the silly little lacrosse team made the couches into their NCA (something that Gommons simply isn’t).

Needless to say, when we got the email that told us that because half of us nimrods are taking Quest, Kenyon thought it would be cool to make us go remote after our first taste of freedom from our hometowns, we were less than enthused. So we retired to our childhood bedrooms/storage spaces. Can we even say “my childhood bedroom” if we were only gone 3 months? Did our dreamscapes invent Gambier? It’s okay, because we know that the queen of detachment from reality and bathing in sorrow on purpose, Phoebe Bridgers, has our backs. This is what she would croon to us to make us feel better about spending the next eight months separated from America’s playground, Gambier, Ohio.

6 responses

  1. Anyone But Me! by anonymous

    Walking middle path, feeling so ungrateful
    Those plastic bags are far too wasteful
    As a Lady/Lord with full room and board
    I must fight for my right with shield and sword

    K card limit, woe is me
    But daddy don’t do charity
    Mom! Pierce is gross, so I won’t dine
    Chilitos chills go down my spine

    Woe is me, woe is me
    My parents pay, so to me it’s free

    Highschool calc I barely passed
    Six months later I’m done with math
    Lucky I could pay my way
    Silly admin they can kiss my ass

    In politics I know how to smirk
    But good and evil? How things work?
    How maintenance gets paid? How Nancy stays?
    And how professors keep their 401ks?

    Shame is beside the point
    Unless I’m asking your point of view

    Anyway, don’t let schadenfreude get the better of you
    If there was a button to switch places, I would push it
    If you want to pay less, going in-state is always an option :)

    P.S. How are your friends from Chapin?

  2. ppl r mean for no reason. if you’re from LA/NYC and wear carhartt and levis 24/7 you have no room to talk and u know it. literally so shameful being so mean to the writer for no reason

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