Seth Lockwood Pitches that Never Became Posts But Should Be Shared Anyways

“This is me. This is who I am,” said Seth, via GroupMe

Seth Lockwood is a rebel and a prince. You know him from such posts as New Musical: The Cup Song and Top Five Unconventional and Unexpected Roles to Play in my Burgeoning Kenyon iCarly Roleplay Group.

Seth routinely contributes pitches that make no damn sense as posts, but make us piss our pants nonetheless. So, in no particular order, here are some of his best from the semester.

  • New Kenyon Program Allows All To Go Under The Cold Steel of the Guillotine
  • Silly New Class Designed Solely For Engineering Little Towns Full Of Little People
  • Pillow Fight! Pillow Fight! But I Fill My Pillowcase With Rocks
  • Buzzfeed Quiz Released That Says No Matter What Gravity Falls Character They Say You Are, You’re Gonna Be Dead In 120 Years
  • Tarzan Was The Original Vine User Ughhhhhhhhh (I Get Hit With Club After I Say This)
  • Kenyon THRILLER: Guys Wait Up You’re Walking A Bit Too Fast For Me
  • Dan And Phil Who Is Who
  • Phone Bone!!! Kids These Days Use Their Phones So Much Its A Bone Now
  • Class Is [Editor’s Note: ????]
  • Just Found A Little Black Cat On Campus Who Knows To Whom He Belongs
  • Saoirse Ronan Revealed To Be Pure Of Heart, Pure of Spirit, INTJ
  • Please Welcome The Wickedly Talented, One and Only, Adele Dazeem
  • Epic Divination Professor Teaches History of 3100…
  • Yellow Fluorescent Light Seeping In Under My Door Makes Me Think That Outside The Door There Will Be Nothing, Only Sky
  • Kenyon Pun Competition Participant Accidentally Uses Phrase That Awakens Powerful Sleeper Cell Agent
  • “You smoke? I smoke too” “Yeah? Smoke two WHAT???”
  • i saw a bat in old kenyon: there was an actual bat up there, on the floor
  • Me When I’m About To Read The Iliad: I’m Think I’m Going To Go Homer
  • Anthropology Professor Discovers New Bone, Calls It “The Love Bone, Right Next to the Soul”
  • Cussing in Class is Fun, Darling, But I Wouldn’t Expect You to Understand
  • I’m Fluent In Two Languages, English, Sarcasm, and BAD AT MATH
  • Adam And Steve? Aren’t They The Crash Course Guys??

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