Oh Rats Was There A Football Game I Missed?

Hey everyone! I have some exciting news, over winter break I was named The Kenyon Thrill’s newest sports reporter! Just in time I might add. I’m pretty sure there’s a big game coming up, either football or hockey or something. I haven’t been able to find anything about it on the Kenyon website though so it’s probably fine. You lovely readers would tell me if I was missing something right?

I think what really drew me to the role of being a sports writer was no one else wanting to. Once all the cool reporting jobs like “food critic” and “film reviewer” were taken, I did what had to be done and took the last job available. I like to think of myself as a little Tetris piece. Whatever space is left over after everyone has taken their place is where I squeeze my body into like a good little L-shaped writer. This is especially easy for me because instead of a spine I have wet limp angel hair pasta inside my back which allows me to twist into whichever position I need to be. Thus, I am now a sports man.

I won’t lie to you dear readers, the transition to becoming a total athletics nut has been a little jarring. My walls now have posters of all the major sports teams close to my hometown. The posters include the New England Patriots, a team which claims to represent an entire five-state region of the United States, the Boston Bruins, a hockey team which certainly exists, and the Red Claws, a lobster-themed basketball team that calls Portland, Maine its home. I have also begun to drink light beer.

Well this long-winded introduction is basically just to say hello and introduce myself in my new role. Don’t worry though! I’m still your same old Keiran, just a fun-loving K-dog with a can-do attitude. That being said, please notify me of any updates on the sports scene, it’d be really embarrassing if I missed some sort of big event that would fall under the purview of sports and such.

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