Kenyon Krushes: Alumni Edition! What Your Kenyon Alumni Crush Says About YOU

Everyone’s got a Kenyon alumni crush! What does your’s say about you?? Keep reading to find out lol

  1. John Green: You’re a vegetarian who still can’t ride a bike. You talk too loud in libraries and think you’re smarter than everyone else them. You unsuccessfully try to hide the fact that you’ve read Paper Towns 17 times since the 6th grade (we can tell). On the more positive side, you LOVE Disney World. You also have a pet cat named Kevin who pees on your bed sometimes but you never get mad at him for it. 
  2. Nicholas Petricca: You snack on pita chips EVERY DAY OF YOUR LIFE. WITHOUT HUMMUS. You haven’t changed clothes since 2016 but somehow no one’s noticed?? You’re always the first to the party and the last to leave. You’ve got rocks in your pocket, an elbow in the socket, and sixteen speeding tickets to your name. I guess we can be friends.
  3. Allison Janney: You watch too much New Girl!!! Get a life!! Seriously, you’re starting to morph into Nick Miller. In other words, you spend half the day daydreaming about what it would be like to be best friends with Drake. What? You really need to start eating your vegetables – and yes, that does include bean sprouts. You’re always the one caught tampering with the smoke detector in airplane bathrooms, and I’ve got news for you pal, THAT’S A FELONY. 
  4. Graham Gund: Awww you watch episodes of Dragon Tales on youtube whenever you’re sad. That’s cute. But have you considered breakfast for dinner? Also, I think you left the oven on. Better go check.
  5. Evan Stephens Hall: Seek help. Something tells me you have a weird obsession with eggs. You always call your parents when you think of them and you tell your friends when you love them. Nice job. But stay out of the Pinegrove ya weirdo, you’re disturbing the trees.
  6. James Monsees: Sometimes when you’re trying to fall asleep you think about your childhood friend George. You wonder if he remembers you. The thought that he might have forgotten sends you spiraling into a dark place you didn’t know your mind could take you. Oh, and where did you get those jeans? Cause your ass looks great by the way.
  7. Rutherford B. Hayes: WOw. Okay… So you’ve really never seen Pulp Fiction?? You should come over to my Taft sometime so we can watch it together ;) … (you’re really cute). I think I saw you standing in the vegetarian line at Peirce yesterday. Also… I wanna hold hands with you walking down middle path and then lie in the grass watching the clouds for hours…  <3 <3 <3 <3

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