For those of you unaware of the joys of Redbubble.com, it’s a website where independent artists can upload media and gain revenue selling various products without having to own the means to manufacture them. More specifically, it’s where all the VSCO girls in middle school got these stickers:

But if you dig deeper into Redbubble’s darker, non-pastel corners, you’ll find some niche, delightfully off-putting products that I am so certain someone on this campus owns. You don’t have to reveal yourself publicly but just know that I know and that we both know.

1. Quentin Tarantino Bath Mat ($21.68)

Film boys can finally bring *that* energy to the bathroom. While you’re on the toilet in their New Ap, the owner of the house will definitely have the David Lynch talk with you (they talk about David Lynch while you listen).

2. Moxie! Apron ($21.00)

I believe this kitchen frock is a reference to Moxie (2021), the latest film from Our Perpetual Lady of Good Things Amy Poehler. However, Moxie stans at Kenyon have developed a certain intensity of devotion that would not preclude them from a purchase such as this. (Also, Moxie came out this month. Why can you already purchase a commemorative apron?)

3. “Women belong in all places where decisions are being made” Tapestry ($31.21)

To infuse your room with that WGS 111 girlboss energy, may I suggest this basic Word Art design featuring an unattributed Ruth Bader Ginsburg quote?

4. Party Like It’s 1347 Mask ($11.66)

I’ve been seeing a lot less statement masks around campus than I was expecting, and I applaud you all for that. But If you want to break the mold, I know some scholarly hunk is hiding their topical history joke mask in a drawer somewhere. This is your sign. Let that little bird man see the light.

5. Okay? Okay TFIOS Cigarette Carton Duvet Cover ($86.87)

If you dropped that much money on John Green bedding, you better be showing it off to your friends, neighbors, and comrades. Period.

It’s finally spring, fellow students. Take a risk. Wear your Redbubble gear outside of the house. I know you have it. I know you have it. We all know you have it.